truth • ful • ness   adjective
telling the truth, especially habitually: a truthful person.

Over the years, many parents have told me that their child does not lie. It may or may not come as a shock for you to hear that while children can be brutally honest, they do tell lies. I love the subtitle of Sarah Gonser's article about lying on Parents.com: "Yes, kids lie. (But so do adults.) The good news: If parents take a strong lead on a no-lying policy, most children will learn to walk the straight and narrow." I have come to realize that it is human nature to try and cover up our mistakes to lessen our chances of getting in trouble or making someone mad. The modern world is full of gray areas, and truth has become subjective without being so black and white. Little white lies from adults are one of the biggest contributors to a gray world.

Truthfulness and honesty are actually something that is developed within children as they learn to understand how to communicate. In the preschool years (2 - 4 years of age), children are just learning to master language and are in the beginning stages of understanding the meaning behind words and making good choices. They are also trying to navigate their world in a way that does not make adults upset at them, but instead brings them favor. Reading good books to young children that praise and embrace honesty will help them understand the value of truthfulness.

Beginning around kindergarten, children enter a phase of development where the "rules" of life begin to make sense. Unfortunately, truth is a fleeting concept as children sort out the difference between reality and fantasy. Daydreaming, wishes, fantasy and fears are hard to distinguish from real life when Santa, princesses and superheroes are so entrenched in our culture. Whereas preschoolers lie to stay out of trouble or get what they want, children ages 5-8 will purposely test adults with lies to see what consequences will result. It is not until around 9 years of age that children will feel guilt for telling lies, so save the guilt trip tactic for later in the elementary years and focus on praising truthfulness.

Knowing that language development and self-preservation are linked with lying is the first step to raising truthful children. Banishing white lies from your method of communication is the second.

Character Values Count

Children's Lighthouse staff are dedicated to helping children learn the value of honesty and truthfulness in our early learning schools. Truthfulness is the featured character trait during the month of February in our proprietary Lighthouse C.A.R.E.S.sm curriculum, as well as in our school-age lessons.

"As a parent you have the opportunity to help your kids develop the characteristic of being honest, but it has to be nurtured."